hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
