to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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