i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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