Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
