I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tornado booty call.. dedication
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
