This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
