I'm really into asian looking animals
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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