she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
