if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
