Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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