fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They took my balls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
