i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
