yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
