i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
