Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
