You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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