Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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