Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
