I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
