..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
