so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
