I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
