Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
