lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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