Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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