Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
