How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
