That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
