I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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