i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
