just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
