If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
