I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
