adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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