I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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