Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
