This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
