My room smells like vodka and shame
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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