new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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