quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
