omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
