Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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