So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
