Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
