I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
