We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
