i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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