Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize