its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
