On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
