No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
