Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You are a genius and a whore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
