Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Porn is love you can see.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
