I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
