ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
