There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
