I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
